The Man Who Lives To Deliver ..
[posting kali ini saya tulis dengan Bahasa Indonesia untuk menghormati orang yang akan saya ceritakan di sini]lelaki itu bernama Muhammad Damirin. lahir di Madura, tepat ketika indonesia merdeka: 17 agustus 58 tahun yang lalu. tubuhnya masih tegap, walaupun raut mukanya tampak tua karena rambutnya yang putih. kami memanggilnya Pak Dam.
hampir seluruh hidup Pak Dam dihabiskannya di jalan. menurut pengakuannya, dia besar di perantauan. kembali pulang ke Madura saat terjadi sweeping besar-besaran setelah masa PKI. dan setelah itu, beliau kembali merantau di tanah Jawa.
segala pekerjaan yang berkaitan dengan delivery service pernah dilakoninya. dia pernah tergabung dalam Jawatan Pos (sekarang PT. Pos Indonesia), pernah menjadi pedagang kulakan keliling yang mengambil barang di Surabaya untuk dijual lagi di Semarang, dan juga pernah menjadi supir bis malam antar kota dalam pulau Jawa.
akhir tahun 80an, kata Papa, Pak Dam mulai diterima bekerja di kantor Papa, di Semarang. awalnya sebagai satpam. tapi karena Pak Dam tidak betah diam di tempat, maka dia dipindahkan ke bagian pengemudi. tugasnya adalah mengantar semua barang perusahaan tersebut ke daerah-daerah di sekitarnya.
di awal tahun 90an, karena prestasi kerjanya dan ketekunannya menunjukkan peningkatan yang pesat, maka Pak Dam diangkat menjadi supir direksi sekaligus ajudan. tugas utamanya selain sebagai supir, adalah juga sebagai tenaga keamanan pribadi -- atau bodyguard.
sayang,..
krisis berkepanjangan pada tahun 1997 membuat kantor cabang di Semarang ditutup dan Papa ditarik kembali ke Jakarta. semua karyawannya dirumahkan atau dimutasikan ke berbagai tempat. karena berbagai alasan sentimentil, kata Papa, Papa memutasikan Pak Dam dari supir kantor menjadi supir pribadi kami. pekerjaannya tetap: selain menjadi supir, beliau juga merupakan bodyguard bagi kami sekeluarga.
di pergantian tahun 2000, Papa dipanggil kembali ke Jerman. saat itu merupakan saat-saat yang tak terlupakan bagi kami, karena banyak hal yang tidak kami kehendaki terjadi beruntun begitu saja. begitu juga halnya dengan Pak Dam. tahun 2000 silam adalah tahun yang terburuk baginya: istrinya meninggal dunia dalam sebuah kecelakaan. setelah cuti panjangnya selama 1 bulan untuk memakamkan istrinya, Pak Dam kemudian memutuskan untuk tinggal bersama kami. Toh anak-anak beliau juga sudah besar-besar dan sudah berkeluarga. keputusan ini tentu saja membuat Papa senang, karena dengan demikian, Papa tidak terlalu khawatir akan keamanan rumah.
di akhir tahun 2000, saya baru menjejakkan kaki kembali di indonesia setelah menempuh study post-grad di australia. perkenalan saya yang pertama kali dengan Pak Dam (sebagai supir pribadi) cukup menggelikan. pertama, saya tidak terbiasa disupiri. saya terbiasa membawa mobil sendiri. saya cukup mandiri untuk itu. dan kedua, .. saya agak jengah disupiri oleh orang yang seumur Papa saya, yang selalu berbicara dengan bahasa jawa kromo hinggil kepada saya. seakan-akan, saya disupiri oleh Papa sendiri! :)
ya, Pak Dam memang selalu berbicara pada kami dengan bahasa jawa yang sangat halus. bahkan jika sedang bercanda pun, Pak Dam tidak pernah meninggalkan ke-kromo hinggil-an bahasanya. kata-katanya tenang, namun tegas dan seperti memberi kepastian. seakan-akan semua beres jika dia yang mengurus. kadang saya merasa, saya sedang berbicara dengan guru atau bahkan orang tua saya sendiri ..
suatu petaka besar terjadi di pertengahan tahun 2001. mobil yang saya kemudikan -- tanpa disupiri Pak Dam -- terjun bebas masuk ke jurang sedalam lebih kurang 40 meter, di daerah Pujon, menjelang Malang. puji Tuhan, saya bisa terselamatkan..
orang yang pertama datang menjenguk adalah .. Pak Dam. beliau tergopoh-gopoh datang langsung dari Jakarta begitu mendengar saya mengalami musibah. beliau tetap menunggui saya di RS walaupun saya sudah memintanya untuk pulang. bagaimana tidak? Pak Dam hanya datang begitu saja, tanpa bekal dan tanpa pikiran apa-apa. bajunya pun hanya satu-satunya yang dikenakannya saat itu. yang terlintas di pikirannya saat itu -- akunya beberapa saat setelah semua kejadian berlalu -- adalah bahwa beliau sudah merasa melalaikan tanggung jawabnya sebagai supir kami, dan beliau merasa sangat bersalah. itulah sebabnya, mengapa beliau memaksa bertahan menunggui saya.
ketika satu-per-satu Mas Kris, Tania, Mama dan Papa (yang dari Jerman) datang menjenguk, barulah Pak Dam mau dibujuk supaya pulang dan beristirahat di rumah. dan ketika saya dipulangkan ke Jakarta, pagi pertama saya terbangun, Pak Dam datang menghampiri saya, dan berkata dengan sangat-amat-halusnya (tentunya dalam bahasa Jawa, ini sudah saya terjemahkan):
"Non Ella ngga perlu ngerasa sungkan lagi. mau ke mana pun non ella pergi, akan saya antar. saya kan digaji untuk itu. mulai sekarang, non ella jadi tanggung jawab saya. kalau Tuan, dia kan di luar. Nyonya juga. Non Tania kan sudah punya pacar yang bisa ngantar ke mana-mana dia pergi. Kalau non ella? kan ngga. jadi mulai hari ini, ke mana pun non ella mau minta diantar, bilang aja. saya siap, non.."
dan mulai hari itu .. entah bagaimana prosesnya, Pak Dam resmi menjadi supir pribadi saya. :)
loyalitasnya betul-betul tidak perlu dipertanyakan lagi. ke mana pun, berapa lama pun, benar-benar Pak Dam mengantar dan menemani. dia tidak tertidur di mobil ketika menunggu. dia selalu awas. dia selalu siap. dia adalah sosok yang menyenangkan. dia tau kapan saatnya serius dan kapan saatnya bercanda. dia tau kapan harus bergegas cepat dan kapan saatnya santai menikmati senja sepanjang tol. dia menjaga kondisi mobil selalu seperti baru. dia tau bengkel-bengkel yang baik dan murah. dia mau belajar sepatah-dua-patah kata bahasa inggris dan sekarang dia sudah bisa menyapa "Good morning" tiap kali kami akan memulai rutinitas harian. dia benar-benar memastikan semua aman apabila benar-benar terpaksa harus meninggalkan saya di suatu tempat -- karena paksaan saya.
pernah, putra-putrinya datang dan meminta saya untuk memecatnya saja agar beliau bisa beristirahat di masa tuanya, karena beliau tidak mau menuruti nasehat mereka untuk beristirahat. tapi apa daya, Pak Dam berkeras untuk tetap menjadi supir kami. bahkan saya pun tidak sanggup memecatnya. karena bukan saya yang menerimanya bekerja. (jika sekalipun saya yang menerimanya bekerja, saya juga tetap tidak akan menerima surat pengunduran dirinya jika dia mengajukan. hihihi ..)
Pak Damirin. He lives to deliver.
and i will fight for him, i will do just about anything to keep him safe .. from FedEx!! :D
for his birthday this year, his 58th birthday, he asked me long before, for a long absent. yes, he will take a long vacation this year. if you think he'll be going back to Madura .. then guess again. NO. he won't.
starting next week, he'll be leaving to Makkah for 2 or 3 weeks. Pak Damirin akan pergi umroh! and now, he's busy preparing lots of stuf before D-Day. sometimes, it's fun to tease him about what will happen on the airplane. :) ~ naughty .. naughty ..
but now .. i wonder.
who will be kind enough becoming my chauffeur, replacing him temporarily, while he's leaving?
do you dare? :D
posted by me at 7:33 PM
Apologies ..
dear ..you know how i hate goodbye. you taken me to the airport last time was ended up with weeping tears. and there was you: cheering me up with a bunch of joy.
perhaps, if it is another time with another person, i can wave goodbye and think that it is only another short pause of not seeing each other, because i still have you to wipe my weeping eyes. but it was you. it is you. who could do it besides you?
it is always rare to have you that long as you always belong to something, somewhere or somebody else. yes, it's just you the way i knew it. and i did not asking for anything but remain in my memory without even having the word goodbye.
so ..
i am sorry i was pretending too busy doing anything else while infact i was thinking about you all the time. did you bring that stupid jacket? did you not forget to bring the camera? have you had lunch before leaving? will you call? ..
i thought not taking you would be easier to let you go. but the minute i walk home and there's no "hi" from the dark, no shoes left neglected on the doorway, no CDs or dirty t-shirts on everywhere, no empty pizza boxes, no bended softdrink cans, no empty coffee cup on the tv set (and even it did not turned on) and no massage on my back while dinner, make me realize that it is NOT better than saying you a decent goodbye.
i admit.
i was wrong.
i miss you worse than what we thought it would be.
i wish i could give you another hug before you entered that glassdoor and make sure that you bring all the stuff you need (yes, you careless one..) i wish i could be there. i wish i did not chicken out taking you anywhere you want for the last time while you're here..
oh, yes i wished ..
but most of all ..
i wish you luck, no matter what.
will you be home for christmas?
x.o.x.o.
-el.-
for someone who also reads this blog:
i didn't know that my written words can be whatsoever so offensive to you. i am sorry. i didn't mean it. every time i wrote something, i've double or even triple checked it to make sure that i didn't offend someone or something. and if by any chance i slipped in a way .. i am very sorry. i really didn't mean it.
please accept my apology.
could we start things all over again? .. that is, if you still want to get along with me,
the vampirella. (i did not bite. i only write.)
thank you.
PS:
sekedar saran ..
kalau ada di antara kalian yang benar-benar membutuhkan mata uang asing dalam dua minggu ke depan .. kayanya lebih baik kalau mulai ditukar dari sekarang deh. kalau ada yang mau iseng jual mata uang asingnya dan ngga terlalu dibutuhkan saat ini .. coba tunggu awal agustus. :D
maaf, ini tidak bermaksud menyinggung siapapun, loh.
hanya sekedar saran ..
kalaupun prediksi saya meleset .. sekali lagi, maaf. :)
***
posted by me at 10:53 PM
About ..
lots of fellas starting to ask me about the details of who i am. well .. not much to say, you can either read my "about" side, or send me email in private -- asking whatever you'd like to know (although i'm very bad at answering and replying mails).anyways.
i feel like i owe a little explanation about that. and now, i've decided i'd dedicated my precious time -- only once i would write -- to summarize what's written on "about" side. so .. sit thight, read carefully, and .. you .. yes, you who are reading this entry(!), .. don't try to figure out who am i the way you think i am. okay? :)
shall we begin? ..
okay, here's the story:
me and my blog
yes, it's true. it's because of him, i knew about this blogging matters. sure it's fun. and free.
me and my story
and since i can not write anything about my work (for most of them are strictly top secrets and highly-confidential-made-decisions), i decided to write something lighter: my life the way a child would live it. because i'm a child inside. and this is about me. if you found any contradictions between me online and me in the real life .. it's just a matter of point of view. but this is me. my life. a child's life.
me and my stats
okay. this would be a long explanation.
i am now 28 y.o., not yet married (and don't think about it at least for the next 5 years *grin*), and in november, i'll be 29 mature girl. :)
i dwell in a small cozy house at Bumi Serpong Damai (BSD) with my youngest sister, Tritania (we used to call her "devil") and 3 friends: Tania's friend (Trixie), my maid, and my chauffeur (or is he my bodyguard? :D). we have 4 rascal puppies: the milo, vodka, bobo and cokicoki.
unfortunately, i have to wear glasses at anytime, because i suffer long-sighted-diaprism eyes. or in human word: i barely see anything between macro to at least 5 meters. can you imagine, how to read a book if you had to put that book at least 5 meters from your eyes? haha! try it! i've tried it, and it's no fun at all. :)
so, i collect dozens of frames of glasses to match my appearances. last time i checked, i have more than 40 glasses (and regularly using about 27 of them). boy, .. am i a freak or what?!
i always believe that you should make a meaningful life, and that's why i always fill my days with anything useful. i'm workaholic and only stop working at new year's eve .. just to relax and enjoy the coming year by lighting up firecrackers.
i'm also sleepaholic, though. i could spend exactly 12 hours sleeping (hahahaha) but usualy i could only did that on weekends. on the contrary, i used to stay up late until dawn, working or doing something else. that's why he called me "a vampire". but i am a beautiful vampire-elle who only drinks wine instead of blood. :D
because of my disability of close-sighting, i barely read gossip news. but if i had to read something important, i could read faster than anyone i knew without even missing the point written in that particular writing.
24 hours a day is such a short time for me. i use to work approximately 14 straight hours a day, and use another 10 hours left to have fun; which is sleeping, bathing, shopping, watching movies, etc, are included in that hours. so, .. i think 24 hours is NOT enough. perhaps, .. we could make universal agreement to extend at least another 6 hours a day. and we have exactly 30 hours of a day. who agrees, raise your hand, please .. :)
i'd been caught in deadly car accident twice. it left big scars. i won't tell you where. but those scars are there to remind me to use my glasses while driving. that's why i need a chauffeur sometimes.. especially when i can not focus to it.
i adore boys. especially boys with smart and fun attitude. i don't like being controlled or adored or amazed so much, and that's exactly what my ex bfs did. they're still my friend, anyway. and hey, i don't regret it. it was a good experience to know many types of guys, was it not? :)
"m" is the size of my outfit. 170 is my height (who exactly counts it, anyway?). 52 kgs is my average weight (though sometimes i could be 48 or 55). 28 is the average size of my trousers, and 39-40 is the average sizes of my shoes (and now you knew it .. perhaps anyone would be kind enough to buy me another pair of manolo blahnik?)
mwahahahaaa .. who cares about that anyway? and why do i have to explain stupid things like this! (i don't know. i'm a child. don't ask me..)
me and my job
1. part timer: this is what i do in my so-called "spare time" :)
i was a radio dj back in uni (swinburne, australia) and once or twice trying to be a producer of indie music or indie film [indie = "do it yourself" style]. i love the idea of producing those kinds of film/music. i'm thinking to try another one here, in indonesia. oh well .. let's see about that.
i am a translator. though sometimes some words failed me :(
once or twice a week, i'm asked to join a meeting at Foreign Affairs Ministry. that's because i studied (and post-grad) about international laws and relationships, and other social research.
lots of friends of mine considered me as a "love counselor". they always came to me whenever they had problems with their lovers. haha! how could they ever do that? i don't even have a lover at this moment! what a ridiculous thoughts..
2. full timer: this is what i do for a living. daily ..
i am a lecturer at SGU, BSD (Tangerang), majoring in business administration department. i also teach at UPH, Lippo Karawaci, on social subjects.
i am a humanitarian-issues writer. i work for "Article 2" at Suisse as one of their contributors. it's a monthly journal about human rights issues. also contribute for ISR Publications, at ISR, Swinburne, Australia.
i am an editor of indie mags "Kapling 7" (surfing guide, Bali), "Kubus" (underground music, Bandung) and "Ocean Eleven" (surfing guide, Australia). they are asking my ability to translate some articles. and i get paid for something i enjoy so much.
that's cool ..
3. life timer: this is what i am, my whole life ..
yes. i am naive yet could be very, very seductive girl.
that's what i am.
:p
me and my life
i am an introvert. it took me 2 weeks to start writing about this entry. so .. a little appreciation would be good for my "introverties". :)
i want everything done the right way, eventhough i had to sacrifice almost anything to get it done. yes, .. you could say i am a (semi) perfectionist. but i'm awful about getting it perfect. pheew ..
i love to think something new and making it possible. but most of the time, i could not find my own genuinely way. copycating seems to be the solutions to learn. and that makes me a creator, yet plagiator.
am i boring or not .. it is for you to decide
*smile*
me and my facts
"stubborn" is my middle name. i was born with it. no one can tell me anything. i always did anything the way i wanted. that's just cool enough for me.
i'd love to try anything new. even if it's that crazy. i dare you .. to dare me!! :)
i'm independent in short-of-ways. music recharges my life. especially classics, intrumentals, or love songs.
i love babies, but i'm affraid thinking of having it my own. ooh .. i don't know. making babies seems to be an extraordinary fun thing to do .. but having one is another big problem. yeah .. yeah .. do not married! *grin*
okay ..
i think that's all i can tell right now.
i was terrified writing it all down .. so it would be a relief for me if you guys do not mocking me for what i wrote.
it's weekend already.
i would take a last vacation with my bro and sis before he leaves on monday.
have a great weekend, everyone!
posted by me at 12:49 AM
J'aime ..
[things i like..]i played another new game with my bro and sis. it's called "Am I You, Are You Me?". it's about listing what you like and don't (about 100 items each) and match it to other person in that game. if two or more of you are alike, then you should change character with him/her for a whole following day (and that includes everything about you or about him/her). pretty cool, eh? you can exchange your life for a day with anyone in that game.
it took me 3 consecutive days to figure out what i like and don't. and talking about what we like, it turned up that i was 70% (140 items out of 200+) alike my bro (he's 88% alike me) and 72% alike my sis (she's 70% alike me) and she's 78% alike him while he's 70% alike her. that means, he had to become or act like me, my sis had to become or act like him, and i'd to become my sis for a whole day. and we did it. it was crazy but sure really fun.
we took it seriously. my bro went to uni to teach and do stuff or something i usualy do. i went to my sis' campus and occupying her boyfriend for a whole day (and that includes goodbye-kissing and 132 minutes of phone-talking-of-flirtings. yummy! ehehehe..) while she's staying a whole day at home, watch TV and play X-Box. the thing that makes it really funny is .. we agreed to exchange everything.
so ..
he wore my dress to uni (mwahawhawhawhaaa..)
she wore his boxer and junkies t-shirt,
while i wore a nice and sexy tanktop of hers!
(and kiss her boyfriend goodnite, on his lips!)
mwahahahaaa ..
i'm blessed for today!!
anyway,
i randomly pick what i like from my list, add and subtract some, and put it here. now .. read carefully, and try to find any similarity with your liking. is it more than half? if it is .. then we should try to exchange our life! :)
try it! try it!
it's free and fun!!
-----
babies. puppies. being able to stretch to touch my toes. goin' commando. offroad-ing. paint-ified, bleach-ified, & hole-ified clothing. backless gown. oversize t-shirts. transparent panties. flowy skirts. sandal jepit. pictionary. chocolate bars. the feel of a rug under bare feet. the feel of cement under bare feet. brand new notebooks. blank agenda. sitcoms. short-indie movies. vintage movie theatres. DVD. hugh grant. wynona riders. commercial ads. MTV. getting 10 hours of sleep. late night bedroom dancing parties. salsa. latin music. cookies in tin containers. songs in which boys sing from the point of view of girls (and vice versa). heinz tomato ketchup. sambel pecel. secret admirers. fashion, offroad, sexy, buildings, and contemporary independent magazines. indies. manga. anime. pink keds. dogs. books. more novels. change glasses. girls with boy names. new pencils. perfect pancakes. "cute as a bug". the frosted side of shredded wheat cereal. t-shirts that smell like home. my grandmother's basement. hotel card keys. going back to bed. someone is actually on the other side of the bed when you wake up. a hug. writing on walls. ryhtm tapping the backend of a pencil on a table. survival stories. priceless thrift store finds. the sound of old vinyls once the music has stopped. honest-to-goodness homemade lemonade. rusted, romantic fire escapes. old buildings. cathedrals. swimming pools. audrey hepburn films. neckties. lunch boxes. getuk lindri. candlelit dinner. the sound of violin during dinner. reggae at 4 in the morning. christmas gifts. new year's eve. firecraker. hot cocoa in cold hands. black coffee. tea, more tea. coke. the smell of office supply stores. superstores. books in purses. carnivals. circus. running through sprinklers. unironed old t-shirts. hoodies fresh out of the dryer and smelling like spring. feeding pigeons. orange juice cartons. cinnamon smells. chocolate covered peppermint sticks. mint ice cream. hagendasz. girl bands. neat haircuts. baguettes right out of the oven. sepeda jengki. april in paris. spring and autumn. day dreaming. falling asleep on the lap of a stranger. a walk in the night. counting the stars. writing on matchsticks. reading on the backyard. reading classified advertisements. vintage record plates. white wicker chairs on front porches. the smell of morning sun. chocolate mints on pillows. fleece blankets. writing on newspapers with ballpoint pens. origami. relationship like in "gilmore girls" or "party of five". the sound a yawning dog emits when it opens its mouth too wide. my inability to wear socks the way normal people do. movie marathons. pottato chips. empty matchboxes. climbing trees. cashing after dogs. sleeping on clean sheets. male's briefs. polka dots. genuinely nice taxi drivers. the feeling of smooth fabric after taking shower. ikea. silver spray paint. chandeliers. the sound of typewriters in use. old eyes when smiling. four shots of espresso. roman candles. empty picture frames. taking pictures. sunbathing. reggae on the beach. fruit on the window sill. when it rains while the sun is out. rainbows. my studio. favorite songs playing on the radio. home theater. turn tables. culture jammers. midnight shower. back tickles. "necking" ( =kissing ). french kiss. got undressed. being kissed. bombshell blondes. driving back home. shoes in the middle of the road. the prizes from instant milk/cereal boxes. shadowplays. an orchestra collectively tuning up their instruments before a concert. hotel slippers. riding at night with no set destination. black tie affairs. 4 a.m.
posted by me at 1:50 AM
Unwanted Things ..
[i'm back from the death]3 big unwanted things happened today. here's the list:
first:
this morning i called the bank to see where i can get my card that was retained yesterday. today is friday and everywhere seems having "a half day work before weekend". and why yes, i sure do need my card back before weekend. so i called the bank first thing in the morning, and i talked to a nice lady who was helping me. she put me on hold and came back about 5 minutes later to tell me horrible news: my card was destroyed. DESTROYED! i don't believe that my card deserved such a horrible thing. it was my fault that it was retained in the first place. how can i live up my weekend? .. my card, oh my poor defenseless card. let's all hope that it's in a better place right now.
second:
one of my students came to me -- again, althought this one was not the first one i've mentioned earlier -- and told me that he saw this blog. well oh well, .. i really don't mind about that. but he did mention something i REALLY mind a lot. he said: "kenapa bahasa inggris ibu di situ ngaco banget sih? koq ngga kaya waktu ngajar?"
and what did i tell him?
i said .. "kalau saya nulis sama dengan cara saya ngajar, lalu apa artinya saya ngajar?" :P
the idea is, .. this is how i write something what i want. mau ditulis pakai bahasa ngaco keq, mau ditulis pakai bahasa dewa keq, .. so what? please do not mind my language, for i am writing to what your dislike. :) -- sajanipun kula saged nganggi basa jawi. nanging kula mbhoten saged wicantenan kanthi sae, amargi kula sampun ndangu manggen wonten ing jakarta... hahahahahah!
no. i'm serious. these things have to be ended.
third:
my dog -- the milo -- ate half pair of my manolo blahnik's shoe. cool ..
it was like .. the most expensive meal he's ever had in his whole life. wow! neat, eh?
(and i feel like i won't feed him again for the rest of his life).
oh, well .. what can i say. perhaps i could put that other half pair in a museum, name it "The Survivor", and few years later i could sell it for billion dollars. it was a stupid yet pretty interesting idea. let's give it a try. let's go. let's go.
-----
and .. i just realize:
where's everybody?
posted by me at 1:36 AM
Fun .. Fun .. Fun ..
i skipped teaching today..yes! woohoo! who says only students could skip school? blah! guess again. :)
i did went to the uni. but i ended up sitting in a nice coffee corner and watching birds feeding their kids on the branches. and .. whoops, it's 8.30 already! so .. i decided to skip teaching the rest of the day, and heading back home. afterall, i could spend some more quality time together with my bro while he's here.
after listening to 4 CDs in a row, we went around looking for lunch. tania and her friends showed up at 2pm. we went to lippo karawaci and did some crazy stuff. all together. just like the old times.
at lippo karawaci, i:
- got my bank card retained. when it asked for my PIN i kept entering in my account number, so i got it taken away from me. yep, the machine ate it.
- went to go play with puppies at the pet store. the puppy peed on my knee. cool ..
- eat at least 7 kinds of food: mie, sate padang, siomay bandung, pecel lele, gado-gado, pizza, d'crepes and dozens of ice cream of many flavors. yummy ..
- push a guy from 4th floor until he die. no, i'm kidding. mwahahaha ..
after that, we're starting to get bored and my bro came up with his cool idea. we played a game called "Follow the red car that's ahead of you." it was actually really really fun and enjoyable. following a car when you don't know whose inside it is quite interesting. you should all try it just to see where you end up.
we're following a red Kijang and ended up at -- unbelievably -- somewhere between hell and jakarta. it was so jam and the traffic kills me. then my bro took the turn. it was a wrong decision, though, i must admit, by letting him drive my car. because now he's playing a game called "Who's closer to what". and he did push my car to the limit. there were exactly 32 times our car almost hit other vehicles or bench. gowd!
at diner,
a guy -- a stranger -- approached us (me and my sister), introduced himself as "Mr.WhoSomebody" and offered us to be models. i could only stare at my sis with the "what's up with this guy?" look. oh, come on .. i mean, hey, do i look like interested to become a model? do i even look like a model? ahaha.. weird, indeed! thanks .. but no, thank you.
and tonight, i'm like drained up. so full and tired. i'm easy to get so exhausted lately, like literally almost falling asleep or actually falling asleep the places that i go. escpecially today. well, what can i say, i am a busy young woman today.
skipping classes sure are fun!
i wonder, will i do that again sometimes? or even .. tomorrow?
i had a really nice evening. tomorrow, .. mm, what will we have? oh yeah, i have to go to the bank and filing my bank card lost. whooa .. so muct to do then. now i am very very tired, and i think i'd better go to bed immediately. thanks for the nice evening.
[i just died. i don't know when i'll be back.]
posted by me at 2:12 AM
People Come .. People Go
i don't know what to write ..my activities on sunday were: sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, lunch, watching tv, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, taking shower, dinner, sleep, sleep, sleep and sleep. whooa! it's like it's been a year i didn't sleep at all. haha .. what can i say .. i miss my bed so much and that day seems to be the perfect day to pay.
on the contrary,
i wake up at 3.00 in the morning on monday, rushing to the airport, and heading back to work after. yes. it's started 3.00 in the morning. i pick my brother up at the airport. his plane arrived at 4.00 (thank God, no delay as usual) and taking him back home. he'll be staying here for about a week or ten days. yippee .. i am very much excited about it. because when he's around, there's only joke, joke, joke, joke and more jokes around the clock (umm .. and beasty-unmerciful "food fight" of course!) haha!
meeting began at 7.00 and ended at 19.30. twelve and a half hour non-stop! whooa!
my brother brought me dozens of CDs and record-plates. oohh .. touchy ..
but that does not relieve him from his favorable duty: FOOD FIGHT with his sisters!!! mwahahahaa .. my sister and i manage to knock him down with filthy vegetables and we scored 2 to 6! :) oh boy, how happy we were to meet him again ..
yet, another contrary,
2 of my friends are leaving to Canada this evening. one for her doctoral scholarship, and the other one for her master. actually, .. i really don't want to see them at the airport. no. it's NOT because i'm jealous at them, but it's just because .. i can't stand goodbye.
it's true. i can't stand goodbye(s). it can make me weep a whole day or even the day after. i really can't stand it. i don't know why. and i hate, how things i hate turn out to be something i have to deal very often. especially this goodbye thingies. well, ..even though i travel a lot, i used to say goodbye a lot, but then when it comes to "real goodbye(s)" .. i just can't take it. it seems that half of my life being cut off and die with that person or that particular thing i say goodbye at. and now, they both are leaving for at least 2 years! my, oh my ..
but my brother insisted me to go to the airport. he even took me there by himself and make sure that i meet them for the last time. and .. as predicted as it is, i could not stop my tears from falling. i know it sounds silly. but that's just me and goodbye moments ..
i could not stay until they're really boarding and leaving, for i could not stand another misery waving at them for the last time. so, i went earlier. my brother took me to a diner and in just another 30 minutes he succeded making me laugh again. oh how i really love him when he does that ..
anyway,
tonight i'm awaken to the fact that life is about meeting someone or something new. and saying goodbye is in the packet, whether we want it or not, whether we like it or not. even if we're not really saying it, "the goodbye" always come to conclude "the coming". if i didn't say it, then somebody will say it to me anyway, when it's time for me to go. so? ..
people come .. people go.
i wonder, .. can i have "the coming" without having "the goodbye"?
posted by me at 3:00 AM
Exhausted + Shocked ...
whoooaa..it's been too complicated to explain what on earth had happend to me lately. way too off. sometimes i think 24 hours is NOT enough. maybe we should create a time limit of 72 hours a day, so everything could be done nicely and that's that.
for these couple weeks, things are beyond my control. unmanaged, and a little annoying. i know i could not do it by myself, but it's just too big to delegate it to others. besides, who would take that responsibility anyway? .. and that's it. every single damn thing starting to loose from my hand.
final exams. papers. files to be edited. bills. sick dog. annoying students. applications. deadlines. more deadlines. diplomacy thingies. moving out. moving in. seminars. invitations. unwatched movies. distro. sukhoi. f18 hornet interception ..
last week, i'd gotten up at goddamn 3.30 in the morning by a phonecall, asking me to rush to freaking american embassy. well, okay, .. they gave me a big-and-nice cup of coffee. but still, it couldn't make my eyes really wide open. i was only 30 minutes asleep after i had a long-and-hard meeting with staff from uni. and for God's sake, it was sunday! can you have a day off on sunday? can i have at least nice and decent sleep on sunday?
and another day this week, i got a phonecall from uni very late at night. i know, it was an important phonecall i've been waiting for. but hell, .. 1.30 in the morning? sure we have to extend our time a day by then. very, very annoying.
and today,
i could only sit for awhile, sipping my coffee and opening my mails .. when i found that i have 378 new mails (!) waiting to be red and replied! phoowa!! what a nice way to spend an evening. anyway, i get a little shocked finding one mail from this special person. i'd been wanting to talk to her long time ago, but i never had a chance to do so. and when i open that mail .. i was terribly shaking and feeling .. unaware.
i could not explain what i felt. i was just ..terribly shocked, and for the next half an hour i could only stare at it and doing nothing. me. doing nothing. while online. (it was something i've never done before. besides, half an hour is like forever, for me who needs extention time of a day lately..)
i know, she might have the right to say what she wrote in that mail. i know i might done something which upstes her. but i was never prepared that she would write something like that. what she did, shocks me and scares me.
i think i had enough delusions these days. i had enough problems to deal with. and i didn't expect another one.
but then again, .. i know it might've been my mistake in the very first place, and i don't have much time to reply all mails. and her mail as well, to explain things i want to or at least she wants to. so, .. if by any chance, you read this .. please accept my appology. i am sorry, i might have upset you. i didn't meant to. i really am sorry.
it is the scariest evening in the whole month. and only one thing haunts me: that we might never have met.
*speechless*
(and my appology goes to all who had sent me emails but not yet replied. i am sorry.)
all i could resume, it was one hell of a week i had. i'm exhausted. and scared. and blogger seems to get more and more amazing lately (so i'm told). i need more and more time dealing with it.
oh boy, ..could anybody steal me some time, please?
posted by me at 11:43 PM
Am I .. I Am (oh, well ..)
hmm..yesterday, one of my student came to me and .. ask something kinda personal. not about the subject i taught earlier, but about .. my blog! he said, he saw my blog and had some enquiries about the things i wrote here. well then, .. it's all about me outside my job, but he insisted me to explain some things. (which i've had, and what i want to write here is just about the resume of our conversation)
okay,
i am a lecturer. but that does not mean i'm perfect by any means. i have my own life, my side of me being always kid and naughty and everything. that's what i call "privacy". and when it comes to share it, i still have my choice to be what i wanted to be; a child inside.
being lecturer or even being grown ups does not imply you to give up that kind of privacy -- even if it means you have to show your craziness, foolishness or idiocy what so ever. and i believe, anywhere between you upfront and you inside, there's always a space where you keep that foolishness within. unless you are God. (even God some times have His own craziness although i can not declare it. it's His privacy! :p)
so .. once again, here i am, exploiting my sense of childhood, my sense of craziness and other stuffs i usualy kept, freely. if by any chance you look at this and find some antonyms you see on me daily, .. it's just the fact that you saw me both side: online and offline.
i did not mean to be offensive or whatever. i did not mean separating my life -- though some times i can not help doing it. i never mean to have two faces, two lives. i have it whole and it's up to me where i want to put those pieces about.
it is just me. whether you like it or not.
posted by me at 10:21 AM
Thank You ...
haha..no need to say something else but ..
"Thank You, Honey.."
*smoochie*
(PS: recognize what's missing?) :p
posted by me at 1:30 AM